You Can See My Heart Beating......

My precious Peanut,

Today I met with Natalie and Chad. They will be your parents. I am so full of emotions, I am happy, I am sad and I am fearful. I love you so much and the thought of you not being with me for the rest of your life is heart breaking. I really like your future parents and I know they will take care of you, which brings me much comfort. Natalie, is so sweet and sensitive to my feelings and my needs. I am sure she will be a good mom to you. Chad is sweet guy, he is really involved with the whole adoption process and the both of them make me feel good about my choice but nothing or no one can take away this aching in my heart for you. I miss you already and you are as close to me as you will ever be. Today is the beginning of my adoption journey. I am writing this blog to you, my peanut, so you will know how I felt about you in my own words, so you can see how much I struggled with my decision, this IS NOT easy, this is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I love you so much and I would give anything to be able to keep you and feel good about it, but it would be selfish and unfair to you to deprive you of the things you deserve. like a mother and a father. As I am writing this your little body rests inside of mine, you can see my heart and you can hear it beating. I am doing everything I know to do to make sure you have the best life that is possible. I LOVE YOU more than my own life. You are my first born child and my heart. I think of you all day long. You're the first thing on my mind in the morning and the last on my mind when I lay down to sleep. I take better care of myself because of you, I am a better person because of you! I sing to you, I talk to you, little child of mine I LOVE YOU!!!! Please see that in my choices for your life. You can see my heart beating.......