Making the right choices....

Hello Little One,

I have been having all these dreams about you. It is crazy how much I think of you constantly. I was at the tattoo shop last night and I struggled with whether or not I would get a belly piercing. I ask the tattoo artist what his thoughts were on pregnancy and belly piercing and he said "they don't do it because of the risk of infection and the constant changes in your hormones, they don't know how it would affect a pregnant woman". Then he said, "why would you risk getting an infection and putting your baby's health in danger?" So that made my decision for me. No belly piercing! I know that makes no sense why I would want a belly ring since I am pregnant, but you have to understand, this pregnancy came as a surprise to me and I have chosen adoption because I want to give you life, but at the same time I want to have my own life. I have given up so much! I have changed my life completely for you. I am doing all this and for what? I am not keeping you. Don't take this the wrong way, I love you but there are things that I REALLY struggle with because I am not keeping you. This choice is so hard! As this pregnancy progresses I feel closer to you and it becomes harder to think of leaving you! Amanda and I had or first big deal fight last night and for the first time I really felt alone. No one knows how hard this really is. I feel like I am forced to place you for adoption. I know that I am choosing, but I feel I have no choice, I hope that makes sense to you. She didn't understand my feelings about wanting to get a belly ring since I am pregnant and she definitely didn't understand how I feel about the consequences of my decision to stay pregnant. But in a way she was right, I have made this choice and I have to continue to make the right choices for you while I am pregnant. If something happens to you while I am pregnant I would never forgive myself! You are my responsibility right now and I promised you to Natalie and Chad and I have to keep my word and keep you safe. This is so hard. I know that giving you life is the best choice for you and me. You get a good life with Natalie and Chad and I get the peace of mind that I made a choice that I can live with! I love you so much and that will change and at the end of the day I never regret not having an abortion! No matter how much I have to give up in my life. My love for you definitely gives me the greatest satisfaction! It kills me to know how much I really love you!!!